{"id":107467,"date":"2020-03-10T09:00:08","date_gmt":"2020-03-10T13:00:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ucf.edu\/news\/?p=107467"},"modified":"2020-03-18T10:01:31","modified_gmt":"2020-03-18T14:01:31","slug":"friendship-forgiveness-and-fences-healing-a-past-hurt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ucf.edu\/news\/friendship-forgiveness-and-fences-healing-a-past-hurt\/","title":{"rendered":"Friendship, Forgiveness and Fences: Healing a Past Hurt"},"content":{"rendered":"

I reached out to an old friend a few days ago \u2013 someone I swore to myself that I would never talk to again. This is someone I had known for 40 years, who I sort of dated in high school, but it never really went anywhere.<\/p>\n

This is a cautionary tale. Be forewarned. Mistakes were made, mostly mine. Even if you have made mistakes, they can be forgiven. But I digress.<\/p>\n

For his birthday one year, I gave him a handmade certificate good for a dinner with me. He redeemed it, but never gave it back to me and carried it around, dogeared, in his wallet for many years.<\/p>\n

I imagined him telling the story about our fancy dinner when he was with his friends.<\/p>\n

I went away to college and he stayed close to our old high school. We called each other, before social media was a thing. And then, when it became a thing, became \u201cfriends\u201d and \u201cliked\u201d each other\u2019s photos.<\/p>\n

He and his wife even came over for dinner with my husband and me. It was a good night. I pictured the four of us growing old together, having cookouts, swapping photos of grandbabies.<\/p>\n

We lost touch after they moved to Tennessee. Still there was the occasional Facebook \u201clike,\u201d but really, I was too busy with my own life to pay his much attention.<\/p>\n

Until I realized that he hadn\u2019t posted anything in a while.<\/p>\n

I scrutinized his social media, but I didn\u2019t have to look too far. He was recently divorced. In fact, by my calculations, he and I had gone through divorces at almost the same time. He had moved back to the area.<\/p>\n

What first felt like righteous anger gradually ebbed away to pettiness, and then, finally, grief that I had lost a true friend.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

We commiserated, as people do in this situation. We were both angry and hurt and rehashed the details that no one else wanted to hear (again). We talked about the birthday coupon.<\/p>\n

Soon, he called me to tell me that he was dating again. It was very strange to me. I had suddenly lost my venting buddy. I don\u2019t think I was jealous of his new relationship, except maybe jealous that I didn\u2019t have one first.<\/p>\n

When he canceled birthday plans with me, I was hurt, and instead of behaving like an adult, I behaved like the teenager I was when we first met. I blocked him, deleted his account and erased him in every way I could think of.<\/p>\n

That was 18 months ago.<\/p>\n

What first felt like righteous anger gradually ebbed away to pettiness, and then, finally, grief that I had lost a true friend.<\/p>\n

Last week I emailed him with a long-overdue apology. An agonizing four hours later, I got his response. It was kinder than I deserved and made me realize that he was still my friend, that he would always be my friend.<\/p>\n

\u201cI nearly broke my thinker trying to figure out what I must have done to offend you,\u201d he wrote. \u201cI don\u2019t want to lose you as a friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

To those of you out there with a similar experience, don\u2019t break your thinker.<\/p>\n

Reach out today, mend that fence. We need each other more than we know.<\/p>\n

Camille Dolan<\/em><\/strong> is the communications coordinator for the University of Central Florida\u2019s College of Health Professions and Sciences. She can be reached at camille.dolan@ucf.edu<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

The\u00a0UCF Forum<\/strong>\u00a0is a weekly series of opinion columns from faculty, staff and students who serve on a panel for a year. A new column is posted each Wednesday on <\/em>UCF Today<\/em><\/a> and then broadcast on WUCF-FM (89.9) between 7:50 and 8 a.m. Sunday. (A podcast of this column is available on the radio station\u2019s website.<\/a>) Opinions expressed are those of the columnists, and are not necessarily shared by the University of Central Florida.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Even if you made some mistakes, hopefully they can be forgiven.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":107474,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"lazy_load_responsive_images_disabled":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":"","_wp_rev_ctl_limit":""},"categories":[6,21],"tags":[16873,7882],"tu_author":[],"class_list":["post-107467","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-community","category-opinions","tag-college-of-health-professions-and-sciences","tag-ucf-forum"],"yoast_head":"\nFriendship, Forgiveness and Fences: Healing a Past Hurt | University of Central Florida News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Even if you made some mistakes, hopefully they can be forgiven.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link 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