Three and a half ago, I was sitting in a patient room with my OBGYN for a\u00a0 checkup following the birth of my son. She completed her exam, went over some important things to know about my physical health and then asked: \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s really hard,\u201d I said as I unsuccessfully fought back tears.<\/p>\n
Everyone tells you parenting is hard, but no one tells you just how<\/em> hard. You hear about the \u201cbaby blues\u201d but not that you might endure weeks before finally experiencing a day without any tears \u2014 yours, not the baby\u2019s.<\/p>\n She gave me a look of understanding and then told me she didn\u2019t feel like herself until six months after the birth of her own children.<\/p>\n OK, I thought. Six months. March 2020.<\/p>\n Ha.<\/p>\n Come March 2020 on top of my anxiety, depression and self-confidence issues, I was dealing with something that no one had experience with and could give me advice on: parenting an infant during a global pandemic.<\/p>\n Add into the mix that my husband \u2014 who I love with my entire being \u2014 and I were trying to figure out how to be around each other constantly. That presented its own set of challenges.<\/p>\n My professional life, which was now being done from home, included writing thousands of words daily about the impacts of COVID to the university\u2019s students, employees and operations, publishing a magazine issue, and a university presidential search.<\/p>\n And I expected to navigate all of this with the perfectionist standards I\u2019ve had my entire life.<\/p>\n The \u201cshoulds\u201d took over, as they often do.<\/p>\n I should<\/em> be able to write award-worthy stories.<\/p>\n I should<\/em> be able to whip up a variety of homemade solid foods for my son so his nutritional needs are met and he doesn\u2019t become a picky eater.<\/p>\n I should<\/em> be waking up at 5 a.m. every day to run at least a 5K.<\/p>\n I should<\/em> be able to do all of this and more because, in my mind, parents always have \u2014 and many during more dire circumstances with far fewer resources than I have.<\/p>\n But I just couldn\u2019t do all of it and none of my go-to coping mechanisms \u2014 exercise, adequate sleep, limiting caffeine \u2014 were working.<\/p>\n \u201cI was tired of measuring the success of each day by if I merely survived it. I didn\u2019t want to just survive my life. I wanted to appreciate it and live it.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n By July 2020, I decided I couldn\u2019t live like this anymore. I was tired of measuring the success of each day by if I merely survived it. I didn\u2019t want to just survive my life. I wanted to appreciate it and live it.<\/p>\n I think that feeling coupled with my devotion to the only podcast I listen to religiously, Armchair Expert<\/em> \u2014 which advocates the benefits of therapy nearly every episode \u2014 motivated me to finally take some action. The hosts Dax and Monica made me feel seen and like I wasn\u2019t alone in needing help; that seeking counseling isn\u2019t a sign of weakness \u2014 a philosophy of which I think our society has a long way to go.<\/p>\n I had heard about UCF\u2019s Employee Assistance Program (EAP), which offers six sessions of free therapy per topic, but in the past I had always shooed away the idea. I shouldn\u2019t need that. I have no major trauma in my life to cope with. I just need to suck it up and get through this. <\/em><\/p>\n But one day I vowed, today is the day I call. In less than 30 minutes, I was matched with a counselor. I had never done counseling, so I had no clue what to expect.<\/p>\n In my first online session, I explained my anxieties \u2014 that even though rationally I knew I was a good mom, a good wife, a good coworker, it didn\u2019t keep me from feeling like nothing I did professionally or at home was good enough. That I was so overwhelmed at times, I was missing out on the joy of my son and my husband. That I wanted to be me again.<\/p>\n My counselor asked me an important question that has continued to help me shape the way I reason with myself when I start to spiral:<\/p>\n If a friend was telling you these same things about herself, what would you say to her? <\/em><\/p>\n I realized I couldn\u2019t extend myself the same compassion that I would give anyone who was in such distress. And I mourned that I subjected myself to such negative self-talk when I would never let a friend talk about herself that way. Why couldn\u2019t I want that for myself? How many days of my life have I ruined doing this?<\/p>\n So that\u2019s what I\u2019ve been working on. I\u2019ve since done 11 video sessions with my counselor. We message from week to week in between sessions, and it has been so helpful to just talk to someone.<\/p>\n There are days I am better at giving myself grace than others. I\u2019ve learned the end goal isn\u2019t to be happy. Life isn\u2019t happy all the time, and all of your emotions, even the tough ones, are meant to be experienced. That means you\u2019re living.<\/p>\n My husband and I have even done a couple of counseling sessions together since EAP covers family members too. We both love each other, and we both are confident in the strength of our relationship, but again it\u2019s free; what do we have to lose? One of the strategies we\u2019ve adopted from counseling is to set aside time during the week to check in with each other; to hash out anything that might be lingering, address needs that aren\u2019t being met, or tell each other about the moments we truly appreciated one another during the week.<\/p>\n I plan to continue counseling. I know now that practicing self-compassion and self-care need to be included among what we demand of ourselves.<\/p>\n I resent that our society doesn\u2019t normalize, prioritize or validate mental health like it does physical health. Maybe if it did, I would have sought counseling sooner.<\/p>\n Nevertheless, I am here now and I am thankful that UCF offers the resources that serve as a reminder that, as Albus Dumbledore said, \u201cHappiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.\u201d<\/p>\n UCF offers its Employee Assistance Program<\/a> to all non-student employees. This program provides resources to help employees and their eligible family members \u2014 including spouses, dependent children, parents and parents-in-law \u2014 to address any personal challenges and\/or concerns that may affect personal well-being and\/or work performance. The EAP, administered by Health Advocate, provides confidential, short-term counseling at no cost to the employee.<\/p>\n Health Advocate toll-free number: 877-240-6863<\/a><\/p>\n Health Advocate website:\u00a0HealthAdvocate.com\/members<\/a><\/p>\n If you are a student looking for help, Counseling and Psychological Services<\/a> (CAPS) is UCF\u2019s mental health resource for students. You can visit CAPS\u2019 website for\u00a0information about and resources for coping during the pandemic<\/a>.\u00a0Students can also schedule phone or virtual consultation with CAPS by\u00a0calling 407-823-2811<\/a> or visiting\u00a0their website<\/a>.<\/p>\n Student Care Services\u00a0continues to work remotely with anyone who needs additional academic or personal support during this time.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Jenna Marina Lee is a features writer for the UCF Marketing and Communications department. She has also worked for the university’s alumni and athletics departments.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" As a new mom struggling with anxiety, depression, and working from home with a toddler, I turned to UCF\u2019s Employee Assistant Program to help me learn how to cope and feel like myself again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":98,"featured_media":118482,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"lazy_load_responsive_images_disabled":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":"","_wp_rev_ctl_limit":""},"categories":[12,21],"tags":[697,8989,1646,2226,13271],"tu_author":[],"class_list":["post-118480","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health","category-opinions","tag-caps","tag-counseling-and-psychological-services","tag-faculty","tag-human-resources","tag-student-care-services"],"yoast_head":"\nResources available to UCF students and employees<\/h2>\n