There are two types of people: those like myself, who the day after Thanksgiving turn their radio to the all-Christmas music station, and the rest of you Grinchy McGrinchersons.<\/p>\n
I have a wide selection of songs I like to hear. Nothing brings me to tears faster than a beautiful Silent or O Holy Night, but I still want a Hula-Hoop with the Chipmunks, I get angered by Rudolph\u2019s bullies, and Frosty melts my heart. I think \u201cChristmas in Prison\u201d is egregiously underplayed, as is \u201cChristmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis.\u201d<\/p>\n
I have equally strong thoughts about songs I don\u2019t want to hear, too. I\u2019d be happy if \u201cThe Little Drummer Boy\u201d broke his drumsticks and was never heard from again. When \u201cDo You Hear What I Hear?\u201d comes on the radio, I yell \u201cNo, I do not!\u201d and turn the station.<\/p>\n
And then there\u2019s the unnecessary-recordings category.<\/p>\n
What are unnecessary recordings? These are the ones that never should have been recorded because there already existed a perfect version of that song, a version that could never be topped.<\/p>\n
And once the perfect version is established, future recordings should be outlawed. I understand why artists record Christmas albums; if ever there were a cash cow, holiday tunes is it. But that does not mean I want to \u201cDeck the Halls\u201d with the Biebs.<\/p>\n
Seriously, does anyone really <\/em>think they can improve upon Judy Garland\u2019s \u201cHave Yourself a Merry Little Christmas\u201d? That takes some gall. These quintessential recordings weren\u2019t necessarily first, but they should be the last.<\/p>\n Here are the 12 quintessential recordings of holiday songs that should never be recorded again:<\/p>\n Nat King Cole\u2019s \u201cThe Christmas Song\u201d<\/strong> \u2013 It\u2019s been recorded by everyone from Aaliyah to Lovedrug to Dwight Yoakam since Cole\u2019s original recording, and every single one of them has been superfluous.<\/p>\n Eartha Kitt\u2019s \u201cSanta Baby\u201d<\/strong> \u2013 Sorry, Madge, love (almost) everything else you\u2019ve done, but like \u201cDick Tracy,\u201d this song didn\u2019t need a contemporary makeover.<\/p>\n Bing Crosby\u2019s \u201cWhite Christmas\u201d<\/strong> \u2013 We had a small debate about this in the office. This was a favorite for everyone, save one person, who is wrong. Bing gets an honorable mention for \u201cI\u2019ll Be Home for Christmas,\u201d as well.<\/p>\n Bruce Springsteen\u2019s \u201cSanta Claus is Coming to Town\u201d<\/strong> \u2013 If the live version of this song doesn\u2019t make you feel good about the visit from the fat man in a red suit, you have a heart that is two sizes too small. Even Bruce can\u2019t make it through the song without cracking up.<\/p>\n Mariah Carey\u2019s \u201cAll I Want for Christmas is You\u201d<\/strong> \u2013 She wrote it. She produced it. She sang it. It is hers and it is perfect as is. So is that silly home movie of her romping in the snow with Santa.<\/p>\n Gayla Peevey\u2019s \u201cI Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas\u201d<\/strong> \u2013 She recorded this song when she was 10. This and every other detail of her life, including the names of the attending physician at her birth and her first crush, are available on her website. Visit it, because you absolutely must see the video of the youngster singing about hippos on The Ed Sullivan Show in a ruffled confection of a Christmas dress.<\/p>\n The Carpenter\u2019s \u201cMerry Christmas, Darling\u201d<\/strong> \u2013 Really, anything by the Carpenters is high on the list. I\u2019ll even give them a pass on their recording of \u201cThe Christmas Song.\u201d Christmas just isn\u2019t Christmas without the Carpenters.<\/p>\n The Jackson 5\u2019s \u201cI Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus\u201d <\/strong>\u2013 Michael was a seriously cute kid with a seriously awesome voice. And the soulful \u201ckissing, kissing\u201d in the background is the bow on the package.<\/p>\n John Lennon and Yoko Ono\u2019s \u201cHappy Xmas (War is Over)\u201d<\/strong> \u2013 It\u2019s been covered several times, most notably by Sarah McLachlan, but c\u2019mon. Nothing can ever compare to John Lennon\u2019s emotional plea for global healing.<\/p>\n Band Aid\u2019s 1984 \u201cDo They Know It\u2019s Christmas\u201d<\/strong> \u2013 When first recorded, this song had a lot of heart, and was a perfect time capsule of the mid-80s pop rock scene. The fact that someone, nay a mass of people, thought it would be a good idea to rerecord this song not only in 1989, but also in 2004 and 2014 is just\u2026why? 1984\u2019s The Karate Kid <\/em>didn\u2019t need a remake, and neither did this song. The only redeeming quality of the later versions is that they dropped the astonishingly bad original lyric about suffering: \u201cWell, tonight thank God it\u2019s them instead of you.\u201d<\/p>\n John Denver and The Muppets\u2019 \u201cTwelve Days of Christmas\u201d<\/strong> \u2013 Not only is it a perfect version of the song, it is the only complete version I can stand to listen to. Miss Piggy was meant to sing \u201cfive golden rings.\u201d And every countdown includes new treats and surprises. Ba-dum-dum-dum!<\/p>\n Elvis Presley\u2019s \u201cBlue Christmas\u201d <\/strong>\u2013 Woo-ooo-ooo-oooo. Woo-ooo-ooo-oooo. Woo-ooo-ooo-oooo. Long live the King! The rest of you ain\u2019t got no swing.<\/p>\n Feel free to expand my list; in fact, I\u2019d add Wham!\u2019s \u201cLast Christmas\u201d and the Boston Pops\u2019 \u201cSleigh Ride\u201d if there were Fourteen Days of Christmas.<\/p>\n Whatever you include, just remember that our joyous listening period will soon be over as we move into \u201cAuld Lang Syne\u201d and the hope of some new Christmas classics next year. Just, please, hands off the ones on this list.<\/p>\n Heather Gibson is marketing director for the UCF School of Performing Arts in the College of Arts & Humanities She can be reached at heather.gibson@ucf.edu.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"There are two types of people: those like myself, who the day after Thanksgiving turn their radio to the all-Christmas music station, and the rest of you Grinchy McGrinchersons. I have a wide selection of songs I like to hear. 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