{"id":22658,"date":"2022-03-01T17:09:50","date_gmt":"2022-03-01T17:09:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ucf.edu\/pegasus\/?p=22658&post_type=story"},"modified":"2022-03-09T21:12:47","modified_gmt":"2022-03-09T21:12:47","slug":"relationship-goals","status":"publish","type":"story","link":"https:\/\/www.ucf.edu\/pegasus\/relationship-goals\/","title":{"rendered":"Relationship Goals"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sejal Barden<\/a>, associate professor of counselor education and executive director of UCF\u2019s\u00a0Marriage and Family Research Institute, considers healthy relationships as important in one\u2019s\u00a0life as water, food and shelter.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe have found if you have toxic relationships, that is predictive of negative health outcomes\u00a0from heart disease to stroke to early onset Alzheimer\u2019s,\u201d Barden says. \u201cSo healthy relationships\u00a0are not just related to our mental health, but they\u2019re really related to our physical health, too. At\u00a0our core as humans, we need to feel understood and have a sense of belonging to people.\u201d<\/p>\n

While some aspects of our physical health may be out of our control due to genetics, Barden\u00a0says the good news is that we are all capable of learning techniques to foster better, healthier\u00a0relationships in our lives. This may be more important than ever after the stress and isolation\u00a0that the COVID-19 pandemic inflicted on all of us.<\/p>\n

Barden applies her expertise to share some warning signs and useful tips to help strengthen the\u00a0relationships in your life.<\/p>\n

Set yourself up for success.<\/h2>\n

If you want to maintain\u00a0healthy relationships,\u00a0Barden says that starts by\u00a0establishing boundaries.\u00a0\u201cWe teach people how to\u00a0treat us,\u201d she says. \u201cSo\u00a0much of relationships is\u00a0patterns, so if we start\u00a0by talking eight hours a\u00a0day or spending every\u00a0waking moment together,\u00a0at some point that is not\u00a0going to be a sustainable\u00a0pattern, and that can lead\u00a0to a lot of hurt feelings and\u00a0misunderstanding.\u201d<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t wait to take action.<\/h2>\n

\u201cStatistically we find that\u00a0couples wait way too long\u00a0to seek help, and early\u00a0intervention is so important\u00a0for couples,\u201d Barden says.\u00a0\u201cJust because you start out\u00a0healthy doesn\u2019t mean you are\u00a0always going to stay healthy.\u00a0Everyone is at risk for having\u00a0upsides and downsides in\u00a0a relationship. We expect\u00a0that, and having some tools\u00a0can help foster relationship\u00a0resilience.\u201d<\/p>\n

Conflict is healthy, but watch out for criticism.<\/h2>\n

Barden says conflict\u00a0is inevitable in any\u00a0relationship, but how we\u00a0argue with our loved ones\u00a0is key. \u201cIt\u2019s really important\u00a0to not come out of the gate\u00a0blaming and attacking the\u00a0other person, but instead\u00a0saying, \u2018My feelings were\u00a0hurt when this happened; can\u00a0we talk about this?\u2019 Research\u00a0has shown for decades that\u00a0the way in which couples\u00a0handle conflict, specifically\u00a0the harshness or softness\u00a0in how they approach those\u00a0conversations, ultimately is\u00a0a deciding factor if they stay\u00a0together or get divorced.\u201d<\/p>\n

Vocalize appreciation and gratitude daily.<\/h2>\n

\u201cAppreciation and\u00a0gratitude are fundamental\u00a0and foundational to all\u00a0relationships \u2014 siblings,\u00a0parents, spouses, kids,\u201d\u00a0Barden says. \u201cAnd it\u2019s not\u00a0just saying, \u2018I appreciate you\u00a0for being awesome.\u2019 Instead\u00a0try something focused like,\u00a0\u2018I really appreciate when\u00a0you made my coffee this\u00a0morning because you could\u00a0see I was really tired.\u2019 Even\u00a0in the chaos of our busy\u00a0lives, there\u2019s always time\u00a0to communicate simple\u00a0appreciations.\u201d<\/p>\n

Timeouts are ok.<\/h2>\n

Barden says when the\u00a0intensity of a conversation\u00a0gets to be too much, it may\u00a0be time to take a step away.\u00a0\u201cPhysiologically our bodies\u00a0stop being able to process\u00a0information at that point,\u201d\u00a0she says. \u201cTimeouts are so\u00a0important, but it doesn\u2019t\u00a0mean just getting up without\u00a0saying anything and walking\u00a0away from your partner.\u00a0Instead, say, \u2018I feel myself\u00a0getting really emotional\u00a0right now, so I need to take\u00a010 minutes, and I\u2019ll come\u00a0back to you.\u2019 \u201d<\/p>\n

Truly listen to your loved one’s feedback.<\/h2>\n

\u201cListening is probably the\u00a0hardest thing to teach and\u00a0do, and it couldn\u2019t be more\u00a0important in a relationship,\u201d\u00a0Barden says. \u201cMost of these\u00a0things that we have conflict\u00a0about are not solvable. We\u00a0all just want to feel heard\u00a0and understood. So when we\u00a0can validate our partner\u2019s\u00a0feedback, even when it\u2019s not\u00a0positive, by saying, \u2018I can see\u00a0your perspective,\u2019 it shows\u00a0them that you\u2019re listening.\u201d<\/p>\n\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\n

UCF\u2019s Marriage and Family Research Institute<\/h2>\n

The impact of Associate\u00a0Professor Sejal Barden\u2019s\u00a0research and work<\/a> is\u00a0far-reaching, both within\u00a0and beyond the UCF\u00a0community. This year,\u00a0UCF\u2019s Marriage and Family\u00a0Research Institute (MFRI)<\/a>\u00a0earned a national award from\u00a0the American Counseling\u00a0Association \u201cfor making a\u00a0significant contribution in the\u00a0counseling field in support\u00a0of families and family\u00a0members.\u201d<\/p>\n

To date, Barden has\u00a0secured more than\u00a0$20 million as lead or\u00a0co-investigator on research\u00a0to improve outcomes for\u00a0couples facing their darkest\u00a0times, including a five-year,\u00a0$7.5 million grant from the\u00a0federal Office of Family\u00a0Assistance to compare the\u00a0benefits of in-person and\u00a0online interventions for\u00a0low-income couples.<\/p>\n

MFRI was established in\u00a02003 on the main campus\u00a0and is open to anyone over\u00a0the age of 18 in the Orlando\u00a0community. Run by trained\u00a0professionals, the institute\u2019s\u00a0services are supported by\u00a0the U.S. Department of\u00a0Health and Human Services,\u00a0so its resources are offered\u00a0free to the public.<\/p>\n\t\t\t

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\u201cCouples who have been\u00a0through our program say,\u00a0\u2018This saved our marriage.\u00a0This has been the most\u00a0meaningful thing we\u2019ve done\u00a0in the last decade,\u2019 \u201d Barden\u00a0says. \u201cWord of mouth is our\u00a0No. 1 referral source, and I\u00a0think that\u00a0speaks\u00a0volumes\u00a0about\u00a0the work\u00a0we do.\u201d<\/p>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\t\t\t\"sejal\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\n","protected":false},"featured_media":22710,"template":"","categories":[],"tags":[1340,1573],"class_list":["post-22658","story","type-story","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-college-of-community-innovation-and-education","tag-marriage-and-family-research-institute","issues-1575","issues-spring-2022"],"yoast_head":"\nRelationship Goals: Advice & Tips from an Expert, Researcher at UCF<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you aren\u2019t taking these six actions, you should be, according to experts at UCF\u2019s Marriage and Family Research Institute.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ucf.edu\/pegasus\/relationship-goals\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta 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